Racism Parties

I saw on CNN today a report about some parties at Clemson University of Martin Luther King day where white kids dress up all ghetto and drink 40s and probably prance around acting like they're in a rap video. I don't mean like, Eminem kind of white kids dressing up like their black, that's called high school in suburbia. I mean like white college kids doing a parody, stuffing pillows in their butts, and putting in fake plastic grills etc.
CNN's Paula Zahn Now covered the scandal. She had a white conservative, a black female attorney, and another black pundit. The white conservative called it dangerous and hideous and a hate crime and said they should pretty much have criminal charges filed against them. Mark Foley-esque psychological projection if I've ever seen it. Then there was the militant civil right attorney who I'm guessing feels that white suburban kids listening to Lil' John is black exploitation and is still fighting for her reparations check. She was furious too. "Bring some black people to the party," she finger-zagged, "see how bold those lil' white kids feel then." Then there was the Colin Powell looking guy. He pretty much said that the kids are stupid and should apologize but its not a big deal, they certainly shouldn't be disciplined by the school or anything.

This is what I wrote to Paula:

As a black person myself, it sure seems like your show is always looking for some racism issue to blow out of proportion. I understand that these kids having this African American costume party on MLK day was in extremely poor taste, but I think it is ridiculous to label it racism, and utterly absurb that the pundit called it a hate crime. Since when is parody a demonstration of hatred??

Most of those kids probably listen to 50 Cent and Jay-Z on their way to class. How is one supposed to come to a costume party as a black person anyway? Dressed like some average middle class black guy in jeans and a T shirt? Of course you're going to dress up stereotypically. Other races dressing up like white people for a costume party would be in suspenders and pocket protectors, not jeans and a T shirt.

The female pundit was so outraged at the so-called distorted image these kids held of African American people. Maybe its just because I live in Los Angeles, but I hate to break it to you Mrs. Black Panther, the majority of the black people I see day to day DO dress like that, DO drink malt liquor, DO have XL behinds, and DO reinforce the stereotypes the show seemed to consider as being light years away from the true African American. Might I cite Bill Cosby here.

These kids are idiots and they should apologize, but it was just plain poor taste, nothing worse than all the idiots you saw last Halloween in Steve Irwin costumes with a stingray hanging off their chest."

Backwards Expressions

Ever wonder why they call it a tug-of-war? Shouldn't it be a war-of-tug? We know what a fog of war is, confusions produced on the battefield, so a tug-of-war should be some kind of tugging that is the result of a war being fought. A prisoner of war is a someone held captive for the purposes of war. If war comes after the "of" then war is the subject of the sentence, and the "tug" is the object. On the other hand, we have wars of attrition, wars of independence, wars of the worlds, and rightly should have wars-of-tug, since the tugging part is the subject of the object war. 'Two tugging things are opposing eachother to the point that the conflict can be considered a war.' Not, 'two warring things are opposing eachother to the point that the conflict can be considered a tug.'

Another one that baffles me: a near miss. A near miss is actually a near hit. When two planes almost crash into eachother but escape unscathed, they call that "a near miss." Seems to me like they nearly hit, but completely missed. If the planes crashed into eachother and blew up, that would be a near miss. "They nearly missed eachother. But unfortunately they didn't miss, they hit."

Bush's New Way Forward in Iraq: Stay the Course +21,500

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
-Albert Einstein

What does Bush say is different this time? Now the Iraqi Security Forces will be able to crack down on Shiite Militias.

Uh, George, the Iraqi Security Forces ARE the SHIITE MILITIAS!!

This war is so beyond fixing. The new strategy involves putting General David Patreus in charge of the "surge" in Baghdad, because he is the General most adept at counter-insurgency tactics. The imcompetence of this war is astounding. Everything is 3 years too late. Counter-insurgency now!? That would have been nice back when the insurgency started. Now its a civil war. I don't think there are counter civil war strategies, but if there are, you can expect the US military to begin to employ them come 2010. Back on that aircraft carrier in May 2003, Bush WAS right. Major military operations SHOULD have ended. Instead we continued to fight in Iraq as if we were fighting the German's for 3 more years, and scoffed at, and fired, the Generals suggesting counter-insurgency measures to fight a, yes, insurgency. Now that the insurgency has taken a back seat to the full blown civil war, we're ready to use counter insurgency. Bravo.

What would you do if a friends came to you and said, "I need to borrow 10 grand and your dog, I can't tell you why, but we'll probably both die if you don't give it to me." Unconvinced, you lend him the money and custody of your beloved dog anyway, mostly out of fear, and because someone like this wouldn't tell such a huge lie. A week later you you ask him, and he says, "oh yeah, I made it all up. Sorry, I blew all the money in Vegas, and while I was passed out in a strip club, the dog ran out into the street and was killed by a car... By the way, the mafia is after you now, so you're not safe at home any more... Can I borrow some more money, uh, and you're cat?"

You'd probably want to impeach this fucker and have him charged with war crimes.

Quote of the Day

Never run after a bus, a woman, or a cosmological theory. There will always be another one in a few minutes.

John Wheeler

Quote of the Day

We live on an island surrounded by a sea of ignorance. As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance.

John Wheeler

Work Poo

See if anyone can sympathize with this:
You're taking a dump at work. (Of course you're in the handicap stall) You smuggled some reading material in with you, usually in some discrete way so that the people in the hall that see you on your way to the bathroom don't know you'll be shitting with Time magazine. You finish your business, and continue to sit there on that now warmed seat to finish your article, and errrr-- someone comes in and sit down to take a shit in the stall next to you.

Fuck, guess I'll have to finish this article later.


Here's some helpful work poo terms:



CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know
where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the
full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has
left your pants.

FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and
check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend
it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable
for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.

JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left
the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits
the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after
you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY
FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proud of
it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office
for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who band
together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group
can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and
identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the
bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realize that you are in the cubicle
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this
occurs,remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or
to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction
with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars
that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt that the
cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.

WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET -- A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes
in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An
Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well
as the other bathroom attendees.

Quote of the Day

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.

Martin Luther King Jr.