Renaming Historical Landmarks

Not even being remotely a fan of sports since I was about 9 and collected baseball cards, I was still pissed when over the course of a few years every stadium changed from being just, Candlestick Park or Wrigley Field, to Vagisil Park or Preperation H Stadium. Then they sold every piece of the game and every bit of screen space to corporate sponsors. The halftime report became the Herpenex Halftime Report and the Puke Flavored Doritos Instant Replay. Even the college Bowls are now called, "The some-fucking-lame-product Orange Bowl." But Im not ranting about corporate sponsorship of boring sporting events. Today I'm talking about historical landmarks. Something actually slightly important to our culture.

Ive heard of this so-called 'Grauman's Chinese Theater' over the past year or two, and I always assumed that there was some OTHER theater that they refurbished with a Chinese theme. I even asked other people, what is the Grauman's Chinese Theater, they had to get a piece of the Mann action huh? And all I ever got were shrugs, "uhuhuh? I guess." Well eventually I figured out that for some retarded reason, Mann's Chinese Theater is no longer Mann's Chinese theater, we're calling it Grauman's Chinese Theater now. WTF!!! You can't just do that! You can't just buy a historical landmark and do whatever you want with it! Even if Im a billionaire I can't buy the Eiffel Tower and rename it, Chris' Monument to His Penis. Sowick's Pyramids of Giza Pointy Boobs.
Who the hell do these people think they are?!

*****EDIT***** I guess there are two theaters or something, but they're right next door to eachother or some shit? I don't get, but I don't like this Grauman guy.

God Only Knows

It occurred to me the other day while hearing The Beach Boys' song, "God Only Knows," that this phrase doesn't really make sense, at least in the contemporary vernacular. When you think about it, 'God only knows what I'd be without you,' doesn't sound quite right does it? God ONLY knows? Um, no, I think God knows a few more things than just that. Perhaps they could clarify by inserting a comma, "God only, knows what I'd be..." But what they must have been trying to say was, 'only God knows,' as in, this thing Im talking about is so deep and complex and powerful, that ONLY God could fully understand such a thing. The statement is a reverence to God, only he is all knowing and wise enough to 'know.' Instead, they say, 'God only knows what I'd be without you.' Which to me personally, sound like a bit of an insult. When you say that someone 'only knows...X' you're saying that's ALL they know. ie: Billy only knows how to ride his bike with training wheels. Or, he only knows one card trick, he's not a real magician.

So The Beach Boys are indicating that the only thing God knows is what a pathetic loser Brian Wilson would be without that chick. I beg to differ. I think God probably knows what Brian Wilson ate for breakfast this morning too, and what color underwear he has on, and about that little gay tryst he had backstage with a fan in San Diego in the fall of '72. I'm certain that my mother once told me that God knows when Ive been bad and when Ive been good. Or maybe that was Santa. Actually I think they're the same person come to think of it.