Gay Men vs Fags

NOTE: this blog was written before the release of Brokeback Mountain, the characters of which greatly help illustrate my distinction between manly gay men and flaming fags. Let me also clear the air that while I may revile at the latter, I certainly hold no contempt or ill will for them. They are human beings too, and deserve to be treated with respect. They just have some serious identity issues and probably need to grow up. But hey, so do I.


Anyone who doesn't know me that reads this blog must think that I am the most racist, hate filled bigot in the world, because all I do is rip on various ethnicities, disabled people, stupid people, conservatives, and homosexuals. But I can assure you that I am far less of a racist hate filled bigot than your average Republican Congressman. (read: sarcasm, I know most Repubs ain't that bad) but since my readership is 0, I won't waste another keystroke explaining the way I really am. If I should be so lucky as to have my blog read by anyone, it would likely be one of my close friends who understands my sense of humor. So without further ado, let's examine our sociological topic of the day: fags.

I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, so homosexuality, as with black people, (I grew up in Oakland) has been an instrumental thread in the fabric of my reality for as long as I can remember. The concept of "tolerating" them is as alien a concept to as is the concept of tolerating that the sky has clouds or that people have noses. Its just they way things are, I've heard about these kinds of people in other places of the country that hate homosexuals or hate black people, but I've never really directly known these bigots to exist. I've never really seen or interacted with one. During my high school career, I fucking thought I WAS black for Christ sake, so being racist towards them was a preposterous concept. However, I was still aware of the concept of racism and bigotry existed in the world. Somewhere. Far away. Just as I understand the concept that everything is made of atoms, I believe it to be true, but I've never seen an atom.

My father's business, since I was about 12, has been a placement agency for freelance designers and graphic artists in advertising agencies in San Francisco, ie: chalk ridden with homos and fags.

I also now have been dating my wonderful girlfriend Nicole since January '05, whose primary group of friends, mostly from college, have been gay men. Her best friend is gay, and she has lived with him for years. I will reserve using the term "fag hag" in her case because she does not technically fit my definition of that term, and she's not overweight and/or ugly either, which most fag hags are as well. So this past year and a half, my world has been increasingly enveloped with exposure to homosexuality. John, her roommate is a gay man, a homosexual. He is however, NOT a fag.

Let me clarify this distinction. Its a bit like Chris Rock's distinction between black people and "niggaz." I will explain my theories on the "why" of the fag culture phenomenon, but for now I will say that there are homosexual, or gay men, and there are flaming faggots. I know a couple gay men whom you would have absolutely no idea that they were gay from hanging out with them and being friends with them. If they had never divulged to me the nature of the thoughts that sexually excite them, ie: other men, I could have gone for years being their friend without suspecting that they don't enjoy railing chicks. Then there are gay men like John, my girlfrien'ds roommate and best friend, who outwardly exhibits no gay proclivities: he doesn't talk the talk or walk the walk. If I met him at a dinner party and talked for a while, I would probably suspect nothing, however spending a lot of time in his home, seeing how he maintains his bathroom, how he decorates his bedroom, and learning his personal tastes in art, music, and culture, I certainly would have deduced that he was gay after a short period of time.

Then there are the fags. I don't need to explain what they are like. They are the stereotypical gay guys, they kind that mainstream media usually over-portrays, think Will & Grace, or Meshach Taylor's character, Hollywood, from Mannequin. Swively-hips walk and joint movement, the acute angle between forearm and wrist to add emphasis to things, lisp and valley girl type word emphasis:
"Oh...my...Gawd, Julian, thissss paella iss like, sssssoooooooo fantasssstiiiic! How eveeeer did you maaake eeeeeet? Its complimented FABULOUSSLY by this late harvesst sZinfandel ass weeeeeell!" Punctuated with a gay little eyelash bats and that quirky smile that makes your skin crawl.

So, my point is, why do they have to act like that? There is nothing about being turned on by pecs and dicks, that requires one's behavior to emulate a wet balloon. I have friends that prove this. There is no causal link between liking penis and acting like a complete pussy faced bitch. There are plenty of guys who are normal macho men's men, that happen to be attracted to other men of the same description. So the flamingness is a chosen, or learned social behavior.

I guess this is understandable, I fall victim to this in other ways. As I said, when I was in high school and surround myself with thugs (mostly wanna-bes, but some real) low and behold, I walked, talked, dresse,d and acted, like I was a "nigga." Even when I go home for a few days I catch myself saying "hella" to my friends,(not thuggish but a regional colloquialism that can rub off on me.) So if you live in boystown, and you're whole environment is such, I understand that this behavior will rub off on you. My personal theory on flaming-ness and why it is a departure from normal male behavior is this: because it needed to be a departure from normal male behavior for survival. For the eons of humanity before the 1960's, being openly gay could very well get you killed or locked up. So I assume that flaming faggotry evolved as a form of subterfuge. The only way you could ever get laid would be this complex coded body language that hopefully only other other gay men would notice. You couldn't just walk up to a hot guy and ask to give him a blowjob. How do you let another man know you're interested, without giving him and concrete evidence that you are, should he turn out to be straight? Over the generations subtle hints evolved into modern overt flamingness. Its remains interesting to me however, that this behavior is not at all necessary any more, and in my opinion, reveals the immaturity, and insecurity of one's sexual preference.

Kind of like how I know that I was immature, insecure, and stupid to go around pretending like I was gangsta and adopting this silly way of walking, talking, and dressing. The exact same concept applies to homosexuals, and all extreme forms of style, I suppose. Goths, punks, wannabe gangstas; anyone that takes a particular style and goes off the deep end with it, thre's something missing inside that causes them to overcompensate on the outside by religiously adhereing to some cultural clique, because it makes them feel like they belong to something, and gives them a wearable identity so they don't have to find their own true identity. Its basic teenager psychology.

Grow up, know thyself, you'll mellow out. Hopefully you haven't covered your face with piercings and tattoos before its too late.

So, flaming fags, maybe I am ridiculing you a little bit. Maybe you actually are mature and well adjusted and comfortable with your identity, and for your sake, I hope you are. But I doubt it. Either way, I respect you as another human being, but please realize how clown-like you are and how annoying you can be to the rest of the general population. Just because you like men doesn't mean you have to act so creepy. Your sexual behavior is not inherently creepy, why does your social behavior need to be? (Maybe its a little gross, but so is 90% of heterosexual porn.)

So c'mon, be a real man, you know how hot that looks don't you?