No I Didn't Wash My Hands

After a man urinates I see it entirely illogical to wash one's hands unless you actually get urine ON your hands. Even so, urine is actually very clean in my understanding, throughout history it has been drank for various "health" reasons. If anything, I would think urine would actually kill bacteria on you fingers, but in Western culture, urine is gross, so I can understand why one should wash their hands if urine is actually on them. But barring this shlamazle incident, why does one need to wash their hands after going pee? Long ago I mastered the skill of completing a urination session without touching anything but my pants. Just pull down the waist-band, let that huge penis flop out, and unload. The huger the penis, the harder it is to get it back in without touching it, but if your pants are loose enough, it can be achieved with little difficulty. If you are actually one of the .000001% of the population who actually undoes the button and unzips the zipper, then there is no excuse for having to touch your penis while urinating.

But say that I'm the other 99.999999% and I'm wearing a suit that day, so my pants have no stretch factor to them, and I actually have to grab my penis to get it out. This still does not warrant a germ cleansing afterwards. My royal penis is clean sire. Its perhaps one of the cleanest parts of the body. Its certainly the most protected, and most covered part of the body, and comes into the least amount of contact with the least number of different surfaces throughout the day, barring perhaps, the feet. But the feet sweat, and then bacteria grows, that's why they stink after a long day; my penis never stinks. So the way I see it, my hands are probably dirtying my penis when I touch it, not vice versa. We should be washing our hands BEFORE we pee, not after.

So when I go to take a piss during my workday, I try to pull it off without finger/penis contact, and if this must happen, I don't ever get urine on my hands, and if this should happen, then I will customarily wash my hands, even though the urine is probably CLEANING my fingers, not dirtying them. The fingers are the DIRTIEST part of the body, barring the anus and the mouth. And all this sterilization is for moot when you touch the door handle to exit the bathroom. (I use a paper towl to opne the door.)

So when I see some poor misguided soul scrubbing his hands furiously for 5 minutes with tons of soap, I don't understand. I've actually entered the bathroom to find some guys scrubbing; I go up to the urinal, take car of business, and make my exit, the whole while this guy is still scrubbing. I can only conclude he got shit on his hands.