Insanely Incompetent Parkers

Have you ever witnessed someone trying to get into a parking spot somewhere and they are just so completely moronic and unable to comprehend the dynamics of spatial relations and turning radii that you have to restrain yourself from jumping out of your car, or running across the street and telling them what to do? I have. I won't mention which ethnicity the preponderance of these cases happen to be perpetrated by. I have become aware that I've made a lot of fun of other ethnicities in this blog so I had better start making fun of white people, lest I be labeled a bigot by people out there in internet land that don't know me personally. Anyway, this isn't about me not being racist. This is about idiots that couldn't park a car if finding a place in Los Angeles to leave their car depended on it. ie: their life. (And by the way, auto insurance companies charge higher rates to Asians, so its not a stereotype, its a statistical fact.)

The person I saw today was not Asian. He was white. But it took this guy about 8 back and forth motions to get into a spot, and it wasn't even parallel, it was a regular supermarket style parking lot. I will admit the cars to his left and right didn't leave him the widest space, but any mediocre 15 year old with a learners permit could have slid into it with one stroke. You've seen these idiots, sometimes the chick will have her boyfriend get out and guide her into the spot, but that usually doesn't help or I wouldn't have ever noticed them in the 1st place, they would get it on the 1st try. The unifying theme that most of these people need to uderstand can be summed up by one clear concept that I will admit I have shouted at people from time to time when I see that they are not figuring out the parking procedure,

"turn the wheel ALL THE WAY!"

This seems to be the concept that alludes most of the problem-parkers. If you didn't make it on the 1st pass, and it becomes a 3-point turn (or more than 3 in many cases) you have to turn the wheel all the way as you back out, and then ALL THE WAY again in the other direction as you pull forward again. Don't let the wheels roll one bit until the steering wheel is turned all the way. When I was in high school my friend and I watched in amusement as a woman made no less than an 11-point turn atttempting to park. It might as well have been an infinite-point turn, because all she was doing was going back and forth and back, not turning at all. She eventually gave up, concluding, I suppose, that her car would not fit. Which is fine by me. Parking lot Darwinism. If you are not "fit" to park, the space goes to someone more deserving. If only the consequence was that they were left unable to reproduce. In a perfect world...

I honestly think that they should raise the minimum score on the DMV driving test to 90% instead of 70%. There are way to many morons on the road. We have people careening around in giant battering rams made of steel and glass and explosive petrolium, and all you have to make is a C- in order to get a liscence. I mean, a C average might be acceptable for the leader of the free world, but not for drivers.